Being Judgemental..
I remember as a kid my deepest hurt was people writing me off..as just another dumb blonde, with nowhere to go. I couldn't blame them. I did not have a mirror to tell me or show me what they were thinking of me. The worst was I didn't know or rather had no clue as to why people liked or disliked you, why someone makes you a friend and why sometimes you can never make friends. I never had an inkling.
Lucky to say I survived all this because of true friends. Those that stood by my side during the worst phases of my life and watched over me with angel eyes. Never judged me. I am thankful that God gave me such friends, that helped me transform and strengthen my life. Above all I, want to thank GOD Himself, for being that friend. He opened my heart to true love. Love that only God can fill in your heart.
Had it not been for these true friends of mine, I would have given up on myself long back!! Deep down in the dumps (one has no idea what I went through!) and hurting wanting to run away and stop the pain and ridicule and anger that it built inside of me. What I came across to people was an extremely angry, spoilt and crass brat who had no mannerism...and that is what brings me precisely to why I am writing this heart felt content about how the world judges.
This Sunday March 22, 2014, there was a passage from the Gospel of John, about Jesus speaking to the Samaritan woman. (Read the passage here http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+4 ) The priest Fr. Austin, gave a wonderful insight into how we pre-judge people. He said that during Jesus's time men never spoke to women in public, and even worse Jews never spoke to Samaritans. This passage of Jesus speaking to the woman of Samaria at the well was the longest discourse in the bible of where Jesus himself reveals his true mission to this sinful woman (as the Samaritans of her time would call her). Why did Jesus bother to speak to her? He told her everything about herself, including the existing life she was leading and not one word of judgement drops from his lips, while he offers her hope of eternal salvation and the springs of living water!
What the priest went on to say is that people are hurting inside and that Jesus looked beyond her sin to her hurt and what it was that was hurting her. This woman was looking for a love that could satisfy her. A love so true and beautiful that would look beyond her beauty to her real person that she was. I have always felt like that! That someone would look beyond my physical self and see the real person that is me! Know me for who I really am rather than what I display externally.
So there goes. People put on pretences to face the world. Pretend to be brave and strong and what not. What they do not put on public display is the wall or the guard that they have created around themselves to prevent that hurt! Unfortunately, it is this very pretence or guard that prevents others from seeing who the real person is and that is why people judge from these appearances. But the fault does not lie here. The actual problem is with the judgemental attitude of today's world and people have built in their psyche and this is how they psyche themselves.
If someone won't talk to you, "Oh! She has an attitude". Arrey, I'd say how about she is shy and does not what to say anything for fear of being ridiculed or made a fool off??? Or how about she's being through hell already why put her through more misery!
You see, I took me a long time to realise this and whilst the realisation came, also came a profound peace knowing it. No one and I repeat "NO ONE", will ever know what experiences each individual or human being ever goes through, during his/her encounter with people or events. Each of us react differently to everything so, again, we shall never be able to put a finger on what a child, man or woman has ever gone through, throughout his/her whole life.
I remember reading this in psychology class, that our learnings as infants to children to teens to the journey as an adult is the plethora of various interactions with our environment and the learning experiences we face during this period become important lessons, which we build in our internal defence systems as a mechanism of response. Some of the repeated interactions that result in similar outcomes become hard-coded, to put it, as the finality of that experience. Thus, here we become judges of "what we know" best! Thus we wear a judgemental attitude at all times and hide ourselves behind that pathetic excuse of .....
So I stopped and did an introspection and came to the conclusion that I would and will never judge anyone ever again. I try and reach out, maybe someone is hurting too, and all they need is your love and concern. I have stopped being the "judge" and am rather happy to be the shoulder they want to lean on. Also, in the bargain of letting go of the judgemental attitude came peace and acceptance. It changed me thoroughly, opened me to be generous of myself and my time to building relationships. It made me reach out and hug people virtually and let them know I cared. Now it does not make a difference what people think of me, obviously, because I now know!
I once asked, of one of my dear friends, why do you think I will not judge you...he said "because I know you won't." I am not sure if he really understood why I wouldn't judge, but I know why I won't. Simply because I have no clue as what that person has been through, what has made him/her what he/she is today. Childhoold, adulthood, abuse, hurt, lack of love, lack of friendship, lack of emotion, true friends etc.....WHY SHOULD I JUDGE...WHO AM I TO JUDGE...
It also reminds of a beautiful message I received while in prayer. "GOD sees us without our defences and our sins...He sees us for who we truly are without these external pretences and HE LOVES WHAT HE SEES...the real YOU."
With that I would like to sign off and just a reminder to my friends out there...if no one cares...I surely do!
Regards
Veena Warren D'souza
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