MUMBAI: A 35-year-old man employed with the National Stock Exchange (NSE) ended his life on Thursday after jumping off the lobby of his sixth floor office situated at Kohinoor Tower in Kurla (west).
On August 30, 2012.. good friend Cyril D'souza passed away. Cyril joined NSE a little after us in 1997 when the clearing house was handling the heaviest load of bad deliveries. We are called the FFLS team (fake forged lost stolen shares) team. There was Raj, Cyril, Dhiraj, Pratibha, Shekhar, Shiv Kumar, Hari, Framroze, Guruswamy, Jayaram, Sameer, Vinod, Mabel, Veronica, Simone, Urmilla and of course me. From the time we knew him, Cyril was a cheerful person and was always cracking jokes or hitting us with his one-liners. Mable and I used to love to talk to him because of our manglorean konkani that we manggies enjoy. Times changed...Clearing house came to a close...but Cyril was the last one to leave Clearing House in Kamala Mills. Later he moved to Exchange Plaza and we lost touch...we met up occasionally...but the wit and the humour was always there.
I happened to see him after a long time and was shocked to see an emancipated Cyril..when he told me about his IBS....I feel guilty for not really going out of my way to help him or to understand what was affecting him. I feel even worse when I know that 2 people suffering from the same problem where cured because of the advice of a particular specialist, and I had advised Cyril to go to him. But all I did was advise. I never took the time to understand his problem.
How often we take for granted people, things and opportunities that come our way...never once do we think that this maybe our last chance. At his funeral service the priest read out a quote " I shall pass this way but once;any good therefore that I can do,or any kindness that I can show- let me not defer nor neglect it,for I shall not pass this way again". I couldn't be hit harder by those words.
Many a times when we see someone fallen and in need of help, we just pass by mindful of where need to reach. Someone, somewhere out there needs someone to wait and to listen and to share, to open up, all those bottled up feelings...someone with whom ...they have no fear or failure or rejection at being seen as themselves...weak maybe fallen maybe broken and nearly "not the man".... I know the feeling so many times when I think I must make the time when I see someone old and in need of help...someone hurt and in need of medical help....but perhaps what we will never see with our eyes or hear with our ears is the silent cry of a broken spirit in need of a gentle touch, a shoulder to lean on..this is not what catches the eye or grabs our attention...
Sometimes, I wonder what we were put on this earth to do...run to our daily chores...or help others and ourselves reach safe shores. The rat race we live in today, put's so much stress on our daily lives. It makes me worry about the present and future of my children and what kind of a world they will have to face. The world will never be kind to anyone and I make a special mention of this to my children. We have moved from a society dependent on intrinsic livelihood skills to a society clamoring for professional expertise and white collared jobs.
This is not some factory, where you can fit people in ticky tacky boxes - a one size fits all, and have hordes of them churned out year after year waiting in queues for employment in some MNC. People are always rushing....in every direction...not knowing what they are doing it, why they are doing it and the end result. No time to stop and care or share...The competition is so intense.....I am glad I am not making my children believe that they are part of this rat race.... I have given them wings to follow their dreams... and to choose a live and chase their passion....it could be anything from cars to carpentry to simply helping out at an NGO! Money will come an go, there will be ups and down and pressure situations..all will come and go... but a chance to live your life to the fullest may not away be there!
Cyril on the other hand was carefree individual, though a very cautious person. He went to great lengths to take care of his health. One can never judge the thin line he may have been walking, and what tipped him over. What about the family and responsibilities he left behind, one may say, that was not an easy decision for him too maybe. But, if only he had that consolation of a friend to lean on....things may have been different. Often enough, people with real problems never seek professional help.
Sometimes I feel like had there been a time warp where we can see the events of the future in the present, we would know the trigger, then maybe we could stop them. But then, every event of the future is the choice you make today, hence the future too, is not certain. One step is all it takes!
In Memoriam of our dear departed Cyril D'Souza
