Hi!
I am writing to this to no one in particular...however of late I get this feeling within myself. You see I feel...that of all the things in the world the one most desired and the one most difficult to find is "acceptance".
People would do anything to be "Accepted". A child and adult both need acceptance. A thief, a saint a sinner too need "Acceptance". Acceptance can change a person’s life. It can turn it upside down. An accepted person becomes part of a community and helps build it up. On the other hand a person struggling to be accepted, lives on the fringes and begins to the community. He/She seeks every attempt to manipulate, destroy and defile community. However, deep down inside what he/she too is longing for is "Acceptance".
A baby gleefully laps up the attention his parents give him and he/she is a happy child because it believes acceptance is natural. It doesn't need re-assurance of society's acceptance at this stage. The problem arises when he/she is growing up and has to fit into a social structure. His uniqueness is diminished when he is expected to behave according to a social strata. As a child the most natural reaction is to resist and fight it. This is construed as rebellious. There are other connotations and expressions of this unnatural suppression.
Every individual wants his/her space. As adults we rebel or seek out new avenues when we feel we are being stifled in the situation we are in. Love is secondary; acceptance according to me is first. Acceptance builds a person image in his own eyes. Acceptance is a morale booster and it drives up your self-confidence. A self-confident and accepted person is easily visible. Not in an outrageous manner, but in his assured demeanour. On the other hand people in news for all the wrong reasons draw attention to how desperate they are. It just shows how deeply the rut runs…how desperately they want to be accepted by society. I know public figures, whose this very need is so very explanatory of how much unaccepted they feel and must have felt as children, teens or adults.
I am no expert in this field and I have not referred to any books that talk about this subject. This is my gut feeling….my observation and experience through life's journey.
I remember this movie “Jab We Met”. Kareena’s played a character called "Geet" in the movie. Kareena's portrayal of this character was an excellent one. I remember one scene when Shahid Kapoor tells her “you really like yourself na” and she replies “Main apni favourite hoon” i.e. I am my favourite. It speaks volumes of the personality so much in love with herself and accepted by herself. She was the way she was – Bindaas because she didn’t wait for people’s approval or disapproval. However, what happens to Geet later was a jolt. She wanted Anshuman’s approval as an ideal partner. Anshuman failed to see her exuberance for life and her self acceptance of herself. He had his boundaries. He lived in that boundary and tried to fit Geet in it. He failed to see the love - that was non-judgemental…something that Aditya (Shahid) caught at the first meeting. Aditya, loved and treasured, Geet's exuberance and learnt to pull himself out of his life’s dumps. He didn't have to tell her he loved her. He understood all that she stood for. Those that can survive the “I don’t need your approval to live my life” are the only ones for whom the futilities of life cannot drag down. Their never say die attitude and exuberance for life are a real "Turn on". I feel such people have nothing to hide and are open and pure.
Coming back to acceptance…Life is so dreary for the unaccepted. It is a laborious task to go to work for a team/organisation that does not accept you or motivate you, or you wants to fit you into a role you are not suited for. Imagine living in relationships where you feel unaccepted, or your spouse never truly appreciates your basic intrinsic nature.
I associate all problems of the world to one word "Acceptance". If you really look deep down inside, when we ridicule people for what they have done, it comes across as if the person has a problem or a fault. Not the act that the person committed is wrong. Perhaps, it was not meant to be that way, somehow it got communicated as such. Maybe we didn't mean for the comment to be taken personally, but how can one say, "don't take it personally". Everything a person does or feels is an extension of his intrinsic nature. Telling people a flaw in their nature is not done! Point out the error of their ways and do not stamp on something connected deep inside.
While writing this blog, I went through a period of introspection of the things I did or did not do to help people feel accepted. When you want acceptance you must also offer it…..what goes around comes around…
Re-visited (on February 16, 2014) and found it still holds true :-)
I am writing to this to no one in particular...however of late I get this feeling within myself. You see I feel...that of all the things in the world the one most desired and the one most difficult to find is "acceptance".
People would do anything to be "Accepted". A child and adult both need acceptance. A thief, a saint a sinner too need "Acceptance". Acceptance can change a person’s life. It can turn it upside down. An accepted person becomes part of a community and helps build it up. On the other hand a person struggling to be accepted, lives on the fringes and begins to the community. He/She seeks every attempt to manipulate, destroy and defile community. However, deep down inside what he/she too is longing for is "Acceptance".
A baby gleefully laps up the attention his parents give him and he/she is a happy child because it believes acceptance is natural. It doesn't need re-assurance of society's acceptance at this stage. The problem arises when he/she is growing up and has to fit into a social structure. His uniqueness is diminished when he is expected to behave according to a social strata. As a child the most natural reaction is to resist and fight it. This is construed as rebellious. There are other connotations and expressions of this unnatural suppression.
Every individual wants his/her space. As adults we rebel or seek out new avenues when we feel we are being stifled in the situation we are in. Love is secondary; acceptance according to me is first. Acceptance builds a person image in his own eyes. Acceptance is a morale booster and it drives up your self-confidence. A self-confident and accepted person is easily visible. Not in an outrageous manner, but in his assured demeanour. On the other hand people in news for all the wrong reasons draw attention to how desperate they are. It just shows how deeply the rut runs…how desperately they want to be accepted by society. I know public figures, whose this very need is so very explanatory of how much unaccepted they feel and must have felt as children, teens or adults.
I am no expert in this field and I have not referred to any books that talk about this subject. This is my gut feeling….my observation and experience through life's journey.
I remember this movie “Jab We Met”. Kareena’s played a character called "Geet" in the movie. Kareena's portrayal of this character was an excellent one. I remember one scene when Shahid Kapoor tells her “you really like yourself na” and she replies “Main apni favourite hoon” i.e. I am my favourite. It speaks volumes of the personality so much in love with herself and accepted by herself. She was the way she was – Bindaas because she didn’t wait for people’s approval or disapproval. However, what happens to Geet later was a jolt. She wanted Anshuman’s approval as an ideal partner. Anshuman failed to see her exuberance for life and her self acceptance of herself. He had his boundaries. He lived in that boundary and tried to fit Geet in it. He failed to see the love - that was non-judgemental…something that Aditya (Shahid) caught at the first meeting. Aditya, loved and treasured, Geet's exuberance and learnt to pull himself out of his life’s dumps. He didn't have to tell her he loved her. He understood all that she stood for. Those that can survive the “I don’t need your approval to live my life” are the only ones for whom the futilities of life cannot drag down. Their never say die attitude and exuberance for life are a real "Turn on". I feel such people have nothing to hide and are open and pure.
Coming back to acceptance…Life is so dreary for the unaccepted. It is a laborious task to go to work for a team/organisation that does not accept you or motivate you, or you wants to fit you into a role you are not suited for. Imagine living in relationships where you feel unaccepted, or your spouse never truly appreciates your basic intrinsic nature.
I associate all problems of the world to one word "Acceptance". If you really look deep down inside, when we ridicule people for what they have done, it comes across as if the person has a problem or a fault. Not the act that the person committed is wrong. Perhaps, it was not meant to be that way, somehow it got communicated as such. Maybe we didn't mean for the comment to be taken personally, but how can one say, "don't take it personally". Everything a person does or feels is an extension of his intrinsic nature. Telling people a flaw in their nature is not done! Point out the error of their ways and do not stamp on something connected deep inside.
While writing this blog, I went through a period of introspection of the things I did or did not do to help people feel accepted. When you want acceptance you must also offer it…..what goes around comes around…
Re-visited (on February 16, 2014) and found it still holds true :-)
